How it should have been
by Queen-Of-Gondor1
Summary: IMPORTANT NOTICE! READ THIS!rnWho among u still believe? cole phoebe 4eva! who has deserted them? i'm back, soz 4 the disappearance. Cole Phoebe shippers (if any of you still exist) plz r
1. Chapter 1

How It should Have Been  
  
Hi again! This is the sequel to 'The Real Centennial Charmed'. This is how the show should have gone, and would have gone, except Brad Kern is evil. Oh? Didn't you all know? He's the new Source of all evil! I thought EVERYBODY knew that by now! I mean, come on who else would want to kill Cole?! This story is written in protest of what Season 5 did to Cole and Phoebe's relationship. The thing you need to remember is that Phoebe never stopped loving Cole. I mean, come on, did anyone else think that storyline was farfetched? Remember how she was in S3 and 4? How completely in love with him she was. Sobbing on beds, declaring undying love, not caring what he had done so long as he regretted it now? Ringing any bells?! I think she was replaced by a fake Phoebe in between S4 and S5. It's the only way to explain it! Either that or she had a lobotomy. This just isn't the Phoebe we know and love!  
  
BTW, in my story there was never any of that crap about Leo becoming an Eldar. Remember: this is Charmed how it SHOULD have been.  
  
This is a tribute to Cole Turner, may he rest in peace. You are loved by millions, my adorable, sweet, kind, loving, handsome and generally amazing ex-demon. She didn't deserve you.  
  
Set five years after 'The Real Centennial Charmed'  
  
As Leo orbed into the lounge he winced as he thought of the onslaught that awaited him. He wasn't the bearer of good news today. At least, not what they would see as good news.  
  
Phoebe was reading a magazine on the sofa and Paige was chasing Wyatt round the room. Piper was upstairs.  
  
Leo cleared his throat nervously. He wasn't usually afraid of the Haliwells, but they REALLY weren't going to like what they were going to hear.  
  
"Piper! Can you come down here for a minute? I have something to say to you all!"  
  
When all of the sisters were assembled on the sofa, and Wyatt was safely playing upstairs, he again cleared his throat nervously.  
  
"Okay, well the thing is . . . well what I mean to say is . . ."  
  
"Leo, spit it out!" said Paige. "It can't be that bad"  
  
"Well, you have a new charge. That's the good news. The bad news is, it's Cole."  
  
"What!"  
  
"You see, over the last five years, Cole has done a lot of good. He's saved thousands of lives and saved the world about 7 times. He has been pardoned for his former crimes. But the thing is, along the way, he's lost his humanity. Oh, he still has a soul, but the innocents he save have stopped actually being human beings to him, they're just faceless and nameless victims. Phoebe was the one thing that kept him tied to his humanity, and now she's gone . . ." He trailed off uncomfortably. "Well anyway, they've decided that Paige is the best person for the job. You have to help him, guide him, teach him to remember what it feels like to be human."  
  
Phoebe stood up abruptly. "I'm not feeling to well. I'm gonna head up to bed"  
  
As she left the room, Piper and Paige glared at Leo.  
  
"Way to go Mr Tact!" said Paige in an outraged voice. "We all know that nobody mentions Cole's name anymore"  
  
As the years had gone by, everyone had become aware how sensitive on this subject Phoebe was. Nobody was allowed to mention his name, and the song 'Goodbye To You' was banned from the house. However she still kept a scrunched up piece of paper bearing his phone number in he jewellery box.  
  
"Well what was I supposed to do? I had to tell you, and she deserved to know."  
  
"I guess. Has Cole really done all that stuff??"  
  
"Yes. He's surprised everyone. Sorry I didn't tell you before, but it's against the rules"  
  
"When do I start? And does he know about this?"  
  
"He knows. He wasn't too happy about it at first, he's grown used to the idea of working alone. But he's willing to give teamwork a shot. You start next week."  
  
End of Chapter 1! What do you think?! Cole's POV next week. Please r&r. Reviews rock, even flames 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
BTW, I am aware that I said that this wouldn't be up for another week, but I just watched a re-run of the ep where Phoebe turns into a mermaid (I forget what it's called) and I just had to write another chapter in protest. By the end of the programme I was screaming DIE Brad DIE at the TV screen and throwing things around the room. I am now starting an official Cole fan club. If you wish to join, plz review and say so.  
  
So here it is everybody. Cole's POV on the five years that have elapsed since that last dance.  
  
As the demon in front of him exploded into ash, Cole felt a grim sense of satisfaction. He bent down and picked his atheme off the ground, and looked around for more. Disappointingly, there were none.  
  
This was how Cole was now, this was his world. For five years he had been like a man possessed, constantly fighting demons and saving innocents. But they weren't people to him any longer. They were just numbers, ways to earn forgiveness. He had been fighting for redemption for so long he had forgotten why he wanted it so much. He had forgotten what it felt like to be human, to love.  
  
He no longer had a heart, just an empty space inside that nothing could fill. He left in heart with Phoebe.  
  
He no longer allowed himself to think of her or her sisters.They made him forget about the mission. The mission was everything.  
  
He no longer had a home, or a family. He drifted around, finding and destroying evil where ever it happened to be that week.  
  
Had he been forgiven yet? How many innocents had it been? How many thousands?  
  
And now this news that he was to work with Paige. Didn't they see that it would only distract him? Remind him of her older sister. Her eyes, her smile, her touch . . . No Cole, he reminded himself. Mustn't go there. There lies pain. And he couldn't afford pain. He couldn't afford anything that might distract him, even his one true love, his soulmate. Why couldn't he get over her, why couldn't he let go? People move on, don't they? Why couldn't he? It still hurt so much.  
  
A feeling of hurt and emptiness welled up inside his chest as he remembered the day he left. It was for her own good, Cole reminded himself. She no longer loved me. I had to go. You see, Cole had finally figured love out. Love wasn't selfish. Love was giving up everything you had for the one you love. Love was not caring what happened to you, as long as they were happy. And he didn't anymore. Didn't care. As long as she was alright. She was all that mattered  
  
Well? What do you think? Reviews, even flames, are always welcome. Remember, I do not pretend to be a good writer. Just a simple fan, outraged by their treatment of her favourite character.  
  
Cole Lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
This is Phoebe's POV on the last five years.  
  
BTW, this story is dedicated to RachelSnape17, Cole-Phoebe-lover, and Evil Angel. You three are my idols!  
  
If you have read a really good Cole/Phoebe fiction recently, plz review and tell me. Cole/Phoebe fiction rocks!  
  
If you would like me to write anyone else's POV on the last 5 years, plz review and tell me. If you would like me to just get on with the story, plz review and tell me! In short, plz review!  
  
So you can understand my story and me a little better, I have decided to tell you how I feel about everyone in the Charmed-universe. So here it is ladies and gentlemen!  
  
Cole: Best person ever! Sweet, kind, funny, intelligent and generally amazing. Phoebe didn't deserve him.  
  
Phoebe: Evil bitch. Stupid airhead. Doesn't realise a good thing when she sees it. I used to like her, in fact she used to be my 2nd fav character, but I am completely devoted to Cole, and I couldn't BELIEVE the way she treated him. She only ends up happy in this story cos it's necessary to make Cole happy.  
  
Piper: Okay.  
  
Leo: Not bad  
  
Paige: Good! She was always fair to Cole, and realised when he was evil and couldn't be trusted, and when he was telling the truth. Smartest sister!  
  
Miles: Rebound guy. Not really even worth mentioning  
  
Jason: Evil home wrecker. A plant by Brad Kern to make us forget our beloved Cole. It will never happen!!!!  
  
Brad Kern: EVIL! MUST BE KILLED!  
  
Scriptwriters of S5: When I take over the world and become Dictator of the Planet, they will be rounded up and shot.  
  
Phoebe lay on her bed and thought back over the last ten years. So much had happened. She had found out she was a witch, she had finally met her mother, her sister had died, she found out she had another sister, she'd gotten married; she'd been pregnant, gotten divorced and become an aunt. And yet, although all these things had happened, the most surprising thing of all was her love for Cole, the way it continued to hold on throughout everything. She hadn't seen him for five years, yet still she couldn't forget him. What was it about him?  
  
She remembered the day he tried to open the Nexus. She really did believe that she had gotten over him that day. She said that she would never look back, and she believed it with all her heart. And it was true. She hated who he was, who he had become. She could never hate Cole. In her mind, they had become completely separate. Cole, and this evil thing, this disease that seemed to take over him at times. Yet, if Leo was to be believed then he had conquered it forever. But Phoebe knew differently. He could never defeat it. It was only sleeping, not dead. Cole belonged to the darkness. He tried so hard to escape it, but he never could, even when he was made human. It always came to claim him eventually.  
  
So why could she not stop loving him? Why did she have this pain in her heart? The day he left was the first time she felt it. He had been Cole then, the man she fell in love with, the man she stood up with in front of the world and pledged before God to love forever. And she'd meant every word of those vows. But no, not before God. Even their wedding had been a sham, she thought bitterly.  
  
As he walked away, she felt a pain in her heart. It had grown over time, but she had gotten used to it. It wasn't just metaphorical pain, it was physical. Like some one had stuck a knife in her chest and left it there. And every time she heard Cole's name mentioned, the knife was twisted sharply anti-clockwise.  
  
He had been so different that day. The madness was gone, the evil inside him retreated. For a little while at least. And now Paige was to be his white lighter. She wondered what he was like now, who he had become. Did he still love her? Of course he did. Cole changed so much while she knew him. From demon, to human, to Source of all evil, to invincible. From evil to good to evil to mad. But his love for her was the one constant, the one thing that never changed.  
  
But she would never let him get that close to her again. She had seen the evil inside of hem, and it terrified her.  
  
But she still loved him so much she could barely even stand it. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Cole-Phoebe- lover, my biggest fan. Which is kinda crazy, coz I'm HER biggest fan!  
  
Paige woke up that morning feeling very nervous. Today was the day that she was going to see Cole again. How would she cope? After all, she did hate the man.  
  
She had a shower, pulled on some clothes and went downstairs for breakfast. Only Piper was in the kitchen.  
  
"Morning!" she said, doing her best to sound cheerful, and not at all worried. "Where is everyone?"  
  
"Wyatt's in bed and Leo was summoned up there earlier."  
  
"What 'bout Pheebs?"  
  
"Her!" laughed Piper, "Up before 11 o' clock at the very earliest! Unlikely!" Then, lowering her voice she said, "actually, I don't think she could face you. Haven't you noticed how strange she's been around you all week?"  
  
"Well, yes."Admitted Paige. It was true. Phoebe had been avoiding her ever since they found out that she was going to be Cole' whitelighter. "But why? Just because I'm Cole's whitelighter now? I mean, I gotta admit, I'm not to happy about it either, but she seems almost MAD at me about it!"  
  
"Oh come on Paige! Isn't it obvious! She's jealous!" seeing Paige's confused look, she explained hurriedly "I know she's supposed to be over him now, but she's obviously not. We're not allowed to mention Cole's name, Michelle Branch is banned form the house and I can't remember the last time she went on a date. And now you get to see Cole all the time, where as she's not even allowed to mention his name in case we figure out that she still has feelings for him!"  
  
"What?! She got over him years ago! Remember? There was that whole thing where he went evil and insane? You know, mummified her, tried to open the Nexus, that sort of thing?" seeing the look on Pipers face she quickly changed tack. "Well, maybe, but surely she would talk to us about it, wouldn't she? We're her sisters!"  
  
"Yes but neither of us are exactly great fans of Cole's are we?" She shrugged. "Maybe she thought we wouldn't understand. And anyway . . .  
  
Piper was interrupted when Leo orbed in. He kissed Piper, and turned to face Paige. He did not look happy.  
  
"Whoa, Leo. Did I do something wrong?" exclaimed Paige.  
  
"Not you. The Eldars" He said thickly. He seemed to be so angry he was having trouble getting words out.  
  
"Wait a minute! The Eldars? What the hell did the Eldars do this time?!" said Piper.  
  
"Sorry. I'm not supposed to tell you. Paige can explain when she gets back"  
  
Gets back? Where am I going? Okay, Leo I know you're angry, but you're gonna need to explain a little bit more cos we have no idea what you're talking about." said Paige with a confused look on her face.  
  
"Up There. The Eldars want to see you"  
  
"Really? Wow! But why? I mean, I've been an official whitelighter for years now, and I've never been allowed up there before." Said Paige.  
  
"When a whitelighter is given a charge with a lot of history, The Eldars give he or she a briefing. They tell you their past and any information you might need to know in your dealings with them. Things you might not have known before." As he spoke, he seemed too angrier. Neither Paige nor Piper had ever seen him like this before.  
  
"But that's nuts!" exclaimed Piper "Nobody knows Cole as well as we do, especially Paige. She's always been the one who could figure him out. And as for his history, well considering the fact that he was marrying my baby sister, I think I did enough researching into his past, don't you? We already know everything there is to know."  
  
"Yes, but it's tradition." he said with difficulty.  
  
He was obviously lying. There was another reason for this, they were sure of it. But what else was there to know about Cole? They already knew everything about him.  
  
There was silence for a moment. Eventually it was broken by Paige.  
  
"Well, what ever the reason is, I guess I have to go up there don't I? Are we going now?"  
  
"Yes. Come on. I'll be back soon Piper." He kissed her again and took Paige's hand. They then orbed out.  
  
Plz review! I will love u 4-eva! Soz it took me so long to get this chapter up, I had some problems uploading. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
Hi! This chapter is dedicated to all you wonderful people out there who have reviewed me, but especially to members of the Cole fan club. Btw, if you want to join, just tell me in your review. HINT, HINT. Plz review me. I live for reviews.  
  
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Phoebe lay in bed. She wasn't asleep but she could still not face the thought of getting up. Today was the day that Paige would start her job as Cole's whitelighter.  
  
It was so unfair! She punched her pillow with frustration. Why? She had spent the last five years trying to forget Cole, and now she would have to face a reminder of him every day for the rest of her life. Would she never be able to escape him? She just wanted to be able to get on with her life!  
  
She heard raised voices coming from downstairs. She sat up, walked over to the door, and opened very quietly. She heard Piper talking.  
  
"Oh come on Paige! Isn't it obvious! She's jealous! I know she's supposed to be over him now, but she's obviously not. We're not allowed to mention Cole's name, Michelle Branch is banned form the house and I can't remember the last time she went on a date. And now you get to see Cole all the time, where as she's not even allowed to mention his name in case we figure out that she still has feelings for him!"  
  
Phoebe closed the door again.  
  
Darn. And she'd thought she'd gotten away with it.  
  
When Paige reappeared, she was in a huge circular room, with walls such a bright white it hurt her eyes. Gradually, she got used to the light, and eventually her eyes made out about 20 men and women in a circle around her. Leo wasn't with her.  
  
The man directly in front of her spoke. "Paige Mathews, of the Halliwell clan, you have been summoned here to receive you briefing on your new charge, Cole Benjamin Turner. We have information regarding him that you will need in the months ahead. First of all . . ." then he stopped and looked inquiringly at Paige, who was loudly clearing her throat. "You have something to say?"  
  
"Well, yes" said Paige. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I already know pretty much everything there is to know about him. And did you do something wrong? Its just Leo seemed pretty mad when I saw him a minute ago."  
  
The man looked a bit sheepish. "Well, as he is your white lighter, we thought he deserved to know the information that we are about to tell you just as much as you do. He wasn't very happy about it. To be honest, he quite told us off. Never knew he had it in him".  
  
"And you do not 'know' Cole. You are blinded by your hate towards him. You must overcome that" added a woman with long red hair behind her.  
  
But Paige was still concentrating on the man in font of her. "What do you mean 'told you off?' You mean he yelled at you?" she said with an amazed look on her face.  
  
"Yes. He really was quite angry with us. Said something about being disgraces to the name of good."  
  
"But what could you have told him that would have made him that mad? I mean, he doesn't get angry very easily" said Paige looking confused.  
  
"We're trying to tell you! But you keep interrupting!" said the man, looking exasperated. "Well, anyway, here it is. It all starts with . . ..  
  
Dun dun dun! Review me quick, or I won't tell you what the secret is! Aren't I evil! Mwa ha ha ha ha !  
  
Remember: reviewers get a virtual monkey and a lifetime supply of virtual bananas! And their very own pet Cole to grow in a jar! 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
Hi! Hey, I've just realised that for the last two chapters, I haven't ranted at the beginning! Shock, horror. But the thing is, I'm kinda running out of things to rant about! Lets see, I've done Brad Kern, The Scriptwriters . . . I know! What about Jason! I haven't ranted in full about him yet! Here goes:  
  
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE  
  
By the way, in case you haven't noticed, I really hate him. How dare they even SUGGEST Phoebe could ever love anyone else? I mean, talk about lowering your standards! Swapping an amazing, gorgeous, talented, smart, funny, incredible, amazing, wonderful . . . well, you get the picture. But the point is, how could she ever have someone like Cole, and then be in love with THAT?!  
  
Oh well. I guess I will just have to fill the void he left in my life by writing pointless fan fiction . . . *sniffle*. IT'S NOT FAIR! Bring back Cole!  
  
BTW, just so you know, I am NOT in love with Cole. My heart belongs to Aragorn from Lord Of The Rings. But I think Cole is the most incredible character ever, and I am completely outraged by Kern's treatment of him. I mean it's so stupid! They spent the whole of Season 3 &4 saying that it really was true love between Cole and Phoebe, and then POOF. He's gone, like some demon of the week. They didn't even give him a decent death! No touching last words, no telling Phoebe that he will always love her. He just. . . dies. HOW DARE THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Okay then, rant quota filled for this week. On with the story!  
  
BTW, if your getting a bit bored of my rants please review and tell me! I promise I'll stop if you think there annoying! However, if you find them entertaining, also review and tell me! Remember: REVIEW!  
  
. . . Cole becoming the Source Of All Evil. You see, it wasn't really his fault. Becoming the Source, it's not something you can fight. It's sort of like . . . well, possession I guess.  
  
"You mean it wasn't Cole who did all those things to us?" said Paige, who was still very confused.  
  
"No! It was Cole, just an evil incarnation of him, I suppose. You see, Cole had the Source's powers taken into his body by the hollow, right? Well, those powers were literally pure evil. They took over him, so that it was Cole, just an evil Cole. That's why he still was able to love your sister. But they made him evil. He fought it every step of the way. We're actually all quite impressed up here."  
  
At this Paige interrupted, looking outraged. "You mean you knew the whole time?! And you didn't say anything? That's awful! How could you do this? No wonder Leo was angry, I mean . . ."  
  
"NO! Of course not! And for once, Miss Mathews, will you please let me finish what I am saying?!" Said the man, looking harassed. "We didn't know then, but we do now. We have our own ways of finding out these things," he said hurriedly, seeing Paige open her mouth to speak. "I'm not finished. There's more, I'm afraid, and you're not going to like it. When Mr Turner was vanquished for the first time, the Source was devoured, leaving him a normal, powerless, human again. Except he was stuck in hell. When he absorbed all those powers, he was able to escape. However, the human body is not designed to be able to cope with that sort of power. Any power in fact. You need something else, some outside force to strengthen you. For example, demon blood, witch blood or the Source. He couldn't cope with all the power. That, combined with the force of losing your sister, had the power to drive him mad. . . " He trailed off uncomfortably.  
  
Paige was beginning to feel faintly sick. "You mean none of it was his fault? Oh god . . . but why didn't you know this then?" Seeing the looks on their faces, rage bubbled up inside her. "You mean you did know? And you didn't say anything? No wonder Leo said that you were disgraces to the name of good! You ARE!"  
  
"We thought it was for the best! Believe me, we debated long and hard about it! But when it came down to it, we couldn't risk you're sister forgiving him, and them being reunited. He's caused too much trouble! Besides, it's ridiculous! A demon and a Charmed One! Insane!"  
  
"But as it turns out, they ARE meant to be together. That is your true mission. To reunite Cole and Phoebe. But first you must remove Cole's powers. We don't understand how Cole has regained his sanity, it makes no sense, but we must eliminate the chances of it ever happening again. He is too important now for us to risk losing him."  
  
Paige snapped out of her stunned stupor long enough to ask a question. "But how will I do that? He obviously won't want to give up his powers. And anyway, won't they just go into the nearest demon? Then we'll have an even bigger problem!"  
  
The man waved his hand in front of him, and an urn appeared at Paige's feet. "Trap his powers in this, then orb them up here. We'll deal with them. And as to you first question, you'll have to persuade him. No, I'm afraid the hardest thing is going to be getting them back together. But we made a mistake, and we intend to rectify it. It won't be easy. You should go now. You are dismissed."  
  
Just as Paige orbed out, he called out "Oh and Paige . . . good luck. You're going to need it." 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
And I'm back people! Aren't you all just so pleased?! So I've been away for so long, my computer has been v messed up, as has my email (so if you've emailed me since my last update and haven't received a reply, don't be insulted!)  
  
I would like to dedicate this chapter to all my loyal fans out there who have been so patient! I love you guys! ( Also, plz check out my web site! ........................................................................................................  
  
Paige orbed into her room, and stared at herself in the mirror. Downstairs, she could hear Piper yelling at Leo, who had obviously just told her what was going on. She briefly considered going down to help him, but to be completely honest she really didn't want to. Piper was scary when she was mad. Let Leo deal with it, he was her husband.  
  
She sank down on her bed as the enormity of her task began to sink into her. How the hell was she going to pull this off? Phoebe HATED Cole. Didn't she? But the stuff Piper had being saying earlier . . . was she right? Did Phoebe still secretly love Cole? Well, that would make her mission easier, she supposed.  
  
"Well, no time like the present I guess", she said to no one in particular, and orbed out.  
  
She reappeared in Cole's old Pent House suite, where the rendezvous had been arranged. He was bent over a desk, with a map spread in front of him, fast asleep. Unsure of what do, she hesitantly leaned forward, and poked him. "Cole? Hello? Wakey, wakey, breakfast time." He grunted in his sleep. "Cole? Cole? COLE?" He woke with a start, and immediately threw an energy ball at her. She orbed out of the way. When she orbed back in, she looked mightily pissed off.  
  
"What the hell do you think you are doing? You could have killed me! On the same side now, remember?"  
  
Cole looked as remorseful as it was possible for him to be.  
  
"Sorry," he said shortly. "You startled me."  
  
"Yeah well, watch where you're throwing those energy balls next time buddy, or we're going to have a very difficult working relationship."  
  
Cole barely acknowledged her, and instead slid a piece of paper across the table. "This is a list of demons, who over the years, for one reason of another, have proved unkillable by conventional methods. I need you to check the Book of Shadows for weaknesses, and any other information you can find."  
  
Paige nodded uncertainly. As she orbed out, she was mumbling, "Hi Paige, nice too see you too. How's Piper/Leo/Phoebe/the baby . . . ."  
  
...................................................................................................... Will update soon I promise! But only if you review! 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8!!!!!!

**Hello, v sorry I disappeared on you all. But I'm back, and I still believe!!!!!!! Do you?**

**GO PHOEBE AND COLE!**

**p.s. If you don't r&r I will assume none of you believe. Ye faithless wretches, you have abandoned him!!!!!! He needs us!**

_Spinning and darkness …nothing but darkness. Enveloping, surrounding. I breathed it in, choked on it, vomited darkness. I saw nothing but death. But wait, a light shines. A small smile, a mop of dark hair. Blue eyes …his fathers eyes. The smile widens and I recognise it. The same smile I see every day in the mirror. Suddenly I feel no darkness, no pain. Only light and life. I almost laugh at the absurdity of it … who could believe in darkness? It wasn't real, couldn't be real. Who could believe in the darkness whilst surrounded by this light? There could only ever be joy. At least …at least while he is here. His father made me feel this way …my child's father. The child I killed._

_Faces swim in front, laughing, mocking, stabbing. People I have loved, people I saved. People I hurt and people I killed. Faces swirling …its never ending. Redemption does not exist. Not for me. Not ever. Not after what I did. Suddenly, she is there …her and the boy. He is always there, holding her hand. I broke her heart, but I killed him. I killed our son_.

At exactly the same moment, miles away, Phoebe Halliwell and Cole Turner awoke the same instant, with tears running down their cheeks.

'Bad dreams?' asked Paige, who was standing at the edge of the bed, surrounded by white lights.

'No. I'm fine'. Cole stood up and walked into the kitchen.

'Because you really should talk about it … dreams can mean something. And I AM your whitelighter.' She followed him, not giving up. As usual.

'Look, Paige-' Cole stopped short. Over the three years that Paige had been his whitelighter, a trust and admiration had grown up between them. He now depended on her in a way he had never depended on another person. Apart from Her of course. But Cole preferred not to think about that. 'Its nothing. Honestly. Don't worry'

He smiled at her, and she glowed inside. That smile … it so rarely happened and it was so beautiful. She had to earn every smile from him. Paige now loved Cole as the brother he had once truly been.

Over the years, Paige's mission weighed heavily upon her, and she had never forgotten it. But now was not the right time for them. She sensed it with an instinct she never knew she possessed. She would wait. For an eternity if it was necessary. But watching Cole and Phoebe fall apart was killing her.

Phoebe lay, curled up on her bed, hugging a ginormous bear. Cole had bought it for her when he discovered she was pregnant. She smiled through her tears at the memory. A song drifted through the open window. She closed her eyes and let the word waft over her.

_There is something that I see  
In the way you look at me  
There's a smile, there's a truth  
In your eyes_

_What an unexpected way  
On this unexpected day  
Could it be this is where I belong  
It is you I have loved all along_

_There's no more mystery, it is finally clear to me  
You're the home my heart searched for so long  
And it is you I have loved all along_

_There were times I ran to hide  
Afraid to show the other side  
Alone in the night without you_

_But now I know just who you are  
And I know you hold my heart  
Finally this is where I belong  
And it is you I have loved all along_

_There's no more mystery, it is finally clear to me  
You're the home my heart searched for so long  
It is you I have loved all along_

_Over and over I'm filled with emotion  
Your love, it rushes through my veins  
And I am filled with the sweetest devotion  
As I look into your perfect face_

_There's no more a mystery, it is finally clear to me  
You're the home my heart searched for so long  
And it is you I have loved  
It is you I have loved  
It is you I have loved all along_

Her heart felt dead inside her.


End file.
